Nairobi clubs used be reliable as avenues for men to visit and get some easy loving from sexy women who would impressed with any decent looking guy that could afford a beer.
Times have changed: the evolution miracle has created an entire class of snobby girls who rather play on their Sh10,000 Smart Phones than give love to a brother.
The top clubs in Nairobi are stuffed with angelic ladies that are blessed with bouncy boobies and soccer ball butts, but unfortunately they won’t give regular guys passing through much of a chance. You need to find the best clubs that have nice girls who are still open to hop swing their Muthurwa bras open within minutes of knowing you .
I estimate I’ve been to at least 200 clubs in my lifetime, spread across 10 different towns and 3 different countries. Some clubs are much easier to get laid than others due to variables like the layout, music, vibe, and culture. Here are the spots I recommend you visit here in Nairobi if all you want to do is burst a nut…
Cubano, Donholm
Here you’ll find a population of ladies that are enduring dry spells. Let’s just say that basically you’ll find two types of women; those that haven’t gotten laid since New Year’s Day hence they are badly in need of some servicing and those that take getting laid as a hobby. You don’t have to work too hard. A few smiles, a few lies and one drink will do the trick. The other great thing is that a girl’s friends won’t try so hard to ruin your chances since each one of them is busy looking to have her hidden territories explored by the ‘Mighty Shuma’.
The vibe is welcoming but you’ll have to move fast if you see girls talking without guys. Don’t be shy to casually insert yourself into conversations with the willing females
Tribeka
This is a compact club with neat designs, amazing jams and lots of attractive girls. Prices are fair and there are many spots to approach from. You do run into typical club issues here, like loud noise and low attention spans.
It took me a while to figure out how to get laid in Tribeka. While some of the young girls will slobber all over you face in public from not having yet developed a slut concealment mechanism, most girls want to be discrete. They don’t want to be the girl who left her army of BFFs early to go hook up with a random. So what’s the solution?
Go to Tribeka at 2am, chill for an hour making small talk, and then approach girls in earnest starting around 3am, at a time when girls are splitting from groups. By then they’ll be drunk and looking for a hookup. Ironically the very best time to approach in Tribeka is when the nightlife shuts down. Before 3am, it’s really hard to get anything that leads to action. Save your energy for the final hours where you can probably score the easiest lay of your life.
Any man will be very satisfied with what he sees in this CBD club. Visit starting on Thursday nights to all weekend, but minimize your ventures during school holidays when there are a lots of cockblocking college students and unruly chics.
Skyluxx Lounge
Celebrities love the place. I’ve had a lot of luck here getting numbers and random makeouts but not much in the way of fast bangs because of logistics.
First, the elite club has some of the fine hotties you probably hope for, but they are constantly surrounded by a social circle full of sniveling beta dudes hoping to get their ‘D’s in before Christmas. In a short span of time, you won’t have access to them. I then realized that the key here is not to be shy if a girl is with guys. Unless she’s kissing or touching them, they’re just friends and probably won’t cockblock you when you start a conversation.
Secondly, since it’s not in town, most girls come from far laces while sharing a ride, so there is no way to extract them. But any number you get will eventually lead to a date and shag session in the next few days if you act on it quickly
Tahiti
The weirdest hipster venue in Nairobi. It has a loud dancefloor and comfy seating areas. Tahiti attracts a large cross-section of the young set, from tattooed freaks to posh girls who don’t care if they spill beer on your suit
The ratio is sometimes bad (about two guys for every girl), but the guys here have absolutely no game and rarely approach at all. Instead they hope for a social introduction. The fact that so many people know each other is an advantage because you can talk to a girl and not be disturbed by her friend, who is content catching up with other people while you spit your game.
If you want to get a one-night stand, this is the place to do it, with the friendliest girls in Nairobi.
Club Mist
Fellas, it doesn’t get easier than this. I know no less than eight other buddies who also got easy chips fungas here. The proof-of-concept test has passed with flying colors. In CBD you should just ignore every other night venue if your main goal is to rack up notches.
The funny thing is that Mist is just a typical club with a medium dance floor. It’s not obvious that sex will flow freely like Alpine water when you walk in, but soon you’ll notice girls checking you out and approaching. You’ll notice that everyone is getting fucked up. And you’ll notice the amount of grimy dancing and hooking up that goes down on the dance floor. As long as you don’t have high standards, it will be tough to fail here. I recommend starting on Tuesday night when it’s ironically easier than the weekend. Girls have no problem sleeping with new men in record time – faster than Bolt would cross the finish line. Make sure you know exactly where to take the girl
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